I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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