Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
