I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hippo gnu deer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
