you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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