she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
