Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
