That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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