So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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