go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and she was petting her beer can
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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