Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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