you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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