Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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