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Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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