you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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