my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize