wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
