New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
