Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
