I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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