Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
