You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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