I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
