He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found a bag of teeth...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
