we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
