Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
