I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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