The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
