Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
