so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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