Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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