haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
