I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
