I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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