I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
