Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
