I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
