she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
