What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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