You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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