I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
