I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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