I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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