alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
