we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
