Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
