We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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