I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
