also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
