U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
