sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
