I love black thongs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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