I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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