new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
