I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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