So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
