I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
