i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
