someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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