So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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