Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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