I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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