her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
