you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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