are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Bring me that man meat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
