the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had sex on a roof
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
