I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
