All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
