She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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