He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
