I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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