i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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