your thong is hanging out like whoa
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
