Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The air was thick with penises
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
