where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
