I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dignity is for republicans.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
