he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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